Funny English Food

The trips to my local English grocery store are cracking me up more and more lately.  They have food with names that I simply cannot believe, and in some cases cannot figure out.  I had been quietly gathering ammo but mostly keeping mum on the subject until a work dinner party Monday night at which the subject came up and I broke down and asked, “what on earth IS spotted dick“?  There are others; I think many people know bangers (and mash) but even I was taken aback when last week I saw a box of “faggots” in the store.  A far more complete list of funny British food names is here along with a suggestion that this is the reason for Britain’s bad reputation in the food world, that it’s the names that are problematic, not the food itself.  I’m not sure I buy that; I find the food to be very heavy and remarkably lacking in a certain fresh character I would associate with modern American food (probably more appropriately “California Cuisine”).  I find British food lacking crunch, missing fresh herbs and vegetables, and thus overcooked and overprocessed overall.  Green vegetables are remarkably difficult to find on the menu here (and no, mushy peas do not count).  I also had a craving for a nice brunch last week and went out seeking a garden omelette or something similar only to find that such a thing does not exist.  The veggie version of a full English breakfast is just not very appealing to me–I only like the toast and mushrooms, and occasionally something potato-like and/or vegetarian sausages.  I just happen to not like the tomatoes, the baked beans, I can’t eat eggs that are runny (personal failing) and so overall I eat less than half of what is on the plate.  Thus, to add to my usual longings (Target!  Cheezits!) for my upcoming trip to the US (departure t minus 11 days and counting) I now have to go to Perkins for a garden omelette brunch.