I had been feeling pretty good about being fully home in the last few days. I made it to the gym yesterday, for the first time in the new year, including catching up with my gym buddy. I found there were many things I really appreciated about being home, including (in no particular order) my bathrobe and slippers, coffee maker, access to full wardrobe (instead of what was in my suitcase) and stereo system. However, last night I had another in a series of total anxiety dreams, which is something that most certainly did not happen when I was on holiday.
My anxiety dreams reflect my life pretty well–they always involve airports. I have never actually missed a flight (touch wood!) but in my dreams, I often miss flights or think I am going to miss flights or am running to catch flights. Last night’s dream was worse than usual because it involved very realistic consequences: in the dream, I missed a flight and then was about to (as a result) miss giving an invited lecture. I missed the flight in part because of lethargy over the trip and then realized nearly too late that it would have been a political disaster to just not show up to give the talk without informing the conference organizers, who were the manufacturers of an instrument that I really use. (Note that I did indeed give an invited lecture at a conference organized by these folks in Germany–the location of my dream–less than three months ago, although I did not miss flights nor was I tardy or absent in any way.) I was having trouble finding a phone number or email for the conference organizers and it was getting on to 30 minutes before I was due not to have shown up to speak and I needed to reach them to explain the mess before things got away from me. I then started frantically making other travel plans to try and get to the conference for the following (final) day to give my lecture and not let the organizers down… and then I woke up, whew!
So let’s see, what does this all mean.
- I’m a bit stressed about being back at work after my holiday.
- I’m perhaps more than a bit stressed that I have to go to Italy for just one night this week for a work meeting. And in response to my sister’s query, of course I did not PLAN to have to do this right after returning from Aus., I had no choice.
- The level of slight over-commitment I’ve had at work is really starting to get to me, and I should stop agreeing to do things like invited lectures in other countries.
- I’m travelling too much, and flying too much for sure.
Well, there we have it with the psychoanalysis, and now I must get my skates on for I have meetings at work all (Sunday) afternoon…