Normally this is a Friday thing, but I’m bubbling over and can’t wait three more days.
I am not ready for you. Could you please wait a few more weeks?
Dear British ladies of a certain age:
Yes, you are right in thinking that those neon colored tights with black skirts and shoes are making a statement. That statement is, “I’m not young enough to pull off this look.”
Helpfully yours, NFAH
I know you must think I don’t love you since I don’t visit you very often. Hopefully the three visits in the last eight days will help reassure you that I really do love you. And I do plan to visit you more often in the new year.
Yours with sore muscles, NFAH
Dear American boys,
Your shameless self-promotion is really starting to wear on me. I know this attitude would work okay in America, but here in England it’s a bit much. Why don’t you just whip that thing out, and I’ll grab my tape measure.
Glad I don’t have one, NFAH
I promise you that in the next 48 hours my flat will become tidy and food and drink will be obtained. I realize that from the look of things right now, it does not appear that a holiday party will take place on Thursday.
Channelling Cinderella (but not until tomorrow), NFAH
Dear Social Media people,
There are really only a few ways to piss me off, I swear. But you’re very good at them:
- Be a (very) minor celebrity but refuse to be facebook friends with anyone you don’t know. Send a message explaining how you don’t want to have too many facebook friends. Excellent, I will be sure to delete that post I was writing about your self-produced CD
- Actually do tweet what you are eating for every meal and when you are bathing. TMI and I don’t need to know.
- Or tweet the name of a new song every 3 minutes
- Or keep tweeting the same message day after day
- Or keep trying to advertise your latest scheme
- Or make your blog content unreadable due to advertisements
Helpfully yours, NFAH
Dear Huffington Post,
Thanks for providing me with such interesting reads today. While I was utterly appalled with the patriarchal and heteronormative message found in “Don’t forget to have kids” I was totally and utterly delighted with the profile on my favorite Indie rock star and uber-Twitter genius Amanda Palmer. 1/2 ain’t bad.
Child-free, single and happily yours, NFAH