Dear so-and-so, Rant-y English edition

I’m behind in voicing my rants against the locals…. I love my life in England but I must say there are a few things that make me want to scream…

Dear person in my flat building or visiting my flat building,

That thing where you insist on obstructing access to my front door, by parking with two wheels on the pavement/sidewalk directly in front of my building when there are plenty of spaces available in the actual building car park, is getting rather old. I would do something radical but as a person about to apply for residency in the UK I cannot afford to “key” your car or the like. Which is too bad, because it’s what you deserve.

You drive a Ford Zetec, it’s not actually a fancy car, NFAH

Dear work person visiting my turf who happens to be a “Sir”:

Congratulations to you for having been knighted. That must be nice. But hi-jacking my meeting with your own agenda, and sending me (the only woman in the room and the person who was supposed to be running the meeting) out to make photocopies for you just really sucked rocks and did not actually help the meeting to accomplish anything.

Yours, NFAH

Dear local buses on my number x route,

You advertise quite clearly that you operate “Every ten minutes into the City Centre” so I thought you actually meant that. When I waited at the bus-stop for 30 minutes this morning, I was confused. When the bus number xy that eventually did stop at my stop was a different number and decided to pick us all up at a stop that was not on your route I was confused. When you stopped at all of the normal route x bus stops it became clear that it had adapted the route of the never-was-going-to-come bus. This was confusing.

This is why public transport in England has a bad reputation, NFAH

Dear England,

the daffodils are blooming. The world is ready for spring. Normally in my last few years here you were very nice in April. Why are you persisting with this below freezing thing so late in March?

Would really like to turn the heat off now, NFAH

8 responses to “Dear so-and-so, Rant-y English edition

  1. Sent you out to make photocopies because you were the only woman. Aaaaargh…

  2. 3theperfectnumber

    Sounds frustrating….sent to make photocpies………….couldn’t you have refused!? have a good weekend!

  3. I would have stuffed the photocopies up his stuffy you know what.

  4. OMG – I have been in that photocopying situation myself (only it was coffee) and I was too stunned to say anything. That was about 15 years ago and now I probably would have laughed, looked around and said “Oh yes, there isn’t another woman to do it is there?.”

  5. OMG!!!!

    I am horrified at this a**hole. REALLY??!!!
    I’m not sure what I would have done because often when seriously confronted like that I tend to be super obedient (leftovers from childhood…*sigh*) but, I wish I were (and hope to be someday) the kind of person to say:

    “Sir Knight, while I appreciate your complete and utter inability to use the copy machine, which in my mind renders you a total fool, I would like to remind you that I spend years gaining a doctorate which not only allows me to be present during this discussion, but also puts me in charge of it. I neither approve of nor allow your hijacking of the conversation and further, I will not leave to make your copies. And on top of all of that, your assumption that because I have breasts and ovaries that I should be the one to make your copies, is flat out insulting. If you need copies made, you may either make them yourself or ask someone else, but in the meantime, I have a meeting to run.”

  6. Gosh, Sarah, tell us what you really feel 😉
    NFAH, I apologize on behalf of my gender; we really can be a load of a**holes.

  7. *blood boils for you*

  8. Wow, and to think that up until this point the reason I’ve never achieved anything of note is that to be knighted as a woman means you’re a ‘Dame’ which just sounds awful. Now I am truly grateful to remain a member of the rank and file. What a ‘nobber’ (a useful English phrase woefully underused over here in the States).

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